Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Hey!!!: 7th Life - Grey Boy

Hey!!! (7th Life, Grey Boy)

Date: 10th May 2006 (My Favourite Smoking Day)

Emotions,

Vivid and clear,

Delivering vulnerable touches,

So near yet distance,

My journey don't end at spoken words,

It takes time.

Hey!!!

Sun shines, rain pouring

For a reason

For thoughts that matter

For treason

Hey!!!

Throughout the years

Dumbness equals numbness,

Never ask God for anything,

For the thoughts that count,

Not merely words that fade. Not words that fade

Emotions,

One day senseless and motionless,

My mind will continue ticking,

Creating peace and comfort,

Creating surety and concern for you,

My path is not bloated by desires for all things great,

For,

You are the greatest being ever come to my life.

Hey!!!

My ability's not to possess you,

But require,

All substance and deep faith I have with your existence

When I hold love, my hands leaked with uncertainty,

Leaving you is to reconcile better congregations.

Alluring and mesmerizes my inner senses,

Cheerful and gay,

Now that I've found you,

Again,

Being a part will not measure my lifetime,

Measure my falling and pain,

Gratitude,

You've never changed in my soul.

That beautiful mind-I cherished most.

Not words that fade

So say.. the unspoken

So lay... not be broken

So near.. In believing

So sad.. It bleeding

It takes time, so hey!!!

Monday, May 08, 2006

Rainy Days and Mondays

Rainy Days and Mondays
~ The Grey Boy, 2005

Friday, May 05, 2006

A Pot Of Hot Mot: 3rd Life - Unknown

A Pot of Hot Mot (3rd Life, Unknown)

Date: 5th May 2006 (Moody Day)

I have this pain

You say 'Aarrrgh!"

What’s wrong this is?

I told you before "It's only your fault"

Time flies, time don't matter

"With too much to think" you grinned

You think so

I was screaming inside

But was silent outside

You say :depression hit me"

I denied definitely

Trust me, I beg you

I was never easy to express

I am the one losing consciousness

The pain, the pain, the vain

You have more consciousness than me?

I am mad at you

"Why are you mad at me" you yelled

Change your brain, change your mind, and change yourself

Change change change change and change

Easy for you to say

You wore this hat of pain

You swan in the lake of grief

You put yourself into this routine

"I hate you" not the first time I tell you

"Please do, please do, please do," you cited without hesitation

I do not need you

This is agony but you ask for me

You cried, "Remove your spell"

Cold as ice, in your eyes

"Who am I to you?"

"Put me down now!"

*I put the mirror down*





Play = "In the Mirror" by Kiss

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Lust For Life

The Grey Boy smokes too much. He also drinks too much. He doesn't want to spend RM200 on a pair of good black leather shoes but will spend that amount and more to smoke. He used to ride on a motorbike when he could have afforded a car. He is now driving a car but he could afford better. Yet he does not.

These days the Grey Boy said that he is trying to be a vegetarian. Avoid meat where possible and when not possible (like when mother cooks delicious food and pours into his plate) he obliges by munching on the occasional piece of animal. The Grey Boy said that he was attempting to train his body to live modestly. Not to be in want or need. He eats just to fill his stomach and not to fulfill his greed. He eats to remind himself that he just need to ensure his stomach is not hungry. He doesn't need to fill it up with abalone or shrimps or lobster or chicken cordon bleu. He could eat rice and a portion of vegetable and feel satisfied.

When one thinks about the Grey Boy, the pertinent question is "Why is the Grey Boy doing all of this? What is he trying to achieve?". PY asked the same. I don't really know why the Grey Boyo does so. Maybe he wants to restrict his lifestyle and control his lust, desires and wants. Maybe he does all this and end up dreaming beautiful things and birth the most precious art.

Three Nyonyas and Frangipani,
~ Putty on wood, work in progress, 2005.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Waking Up In Beijing

Waking Up In Beijing
~ The Grey Boy, 2005




The Grey Boy habors a love for a girl that was his for a very short time. Even his poems are of him, a ran over frog trembling in pain.

I have scolded him. I have nagged him. I have done all I could. I do not like her because she has given my friend such amount of despair and pain. Of course he would sulk and we would not talk for some minutes, sometimes for days.

Whenever I ask him, he would say that she was the best thing that has happened to him. That he did not deserve her love or her attention. Yet in the same conversation, all I hear is how she has broken up with yet another boyfriend and found another boyfriend who drives a bigger, more expensive car.

Perhaps the Grey Boy feels that she is so precious and that she deserves much more in life that the Grey Boy and his Kenari.

How does that make me feel? That I am cheap and stupid because I spend time with him on weekends? That I am not good enough, like J? Personally I do not have respect for a person who causes a person that much misery. Perhaps I should tell the Grey Boy not to tell me about how she was so smart and beautiful and found another boy with another big car.

Read the poems he has written about the trembling frog and see how he view his relationship with the girl... him, as the ran over frog and the Merc and Bmer driving away at a fast pace.

Do I feel sad for my friend, the Grey Frog? Of course I do. Then again, I realised that perhaps he needs to torture himself before he can produce all those artwork that he so beautifully create. Perhaps it is all in his mind and there is no frog, no Merc, no Bmer, just the Grey Frog in a monologue.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Wish You Were Here


Wish You Were Here,
~ Cambodia

Monday, May 01, 2006

2nd Life - Trembled Green Frog

(2nd Life, Trembled Green Frog)
Date: 1st May 2006 (Labor Day)

My hands trembled

My trembled fingers turn cold

I can hardly feel my body

Seeing my body crumbled

Pointless living

The road filled with dirt

Like they always do

It stained me

It's me that's who

I can't move no more

I am small

You are bigger

Make out of steel

Strong as ever

Insignificant me

I can't help but weep

Too late indeed

A sight of horror

A stench of raw meat

That's me, or not

It's okay you couldn't avoid

Its must be a tough for you

I forgive you

Look at me now

Look at you with your cigar

The day I die

Regret or not

I don't know

This rubber tyre has no eyes

When you ran over me with your Merz!

The last of me

Sporty bright spotlight

It sting my eyes

Caught a glimpse of a B-mer!

Dare of you naming me the cold blooded amphibian!